Can You Control It?

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Author: Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
Email: mailto:[email protected]
copyright: by Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW
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Word Count: 823
Category: Self-Help


A tremendous amount of stress occurs when you don’t understand
and accept your limitations. When you attempt to control
something in life that is not within your sphere of influence
how do you feel and react? What is it like for you to experience

Can you control another’s thoughts, behaviors and attitudes?
Are you able to make it rain or snow? Can you make a family or
friend’s cancer go away? It may be easier to consider these
questions from a detached perspective and say to yourself, “No,
I certainly cannot control these areas.” However, it’s
surprising how much of life folks struggle over which is not
within their control. More often than not, you are not aware
that you’re lack of peace has to do with controlling or worrying
about something outside of your grasp.

Independence worldwide is growing stronger, and what a fine
attribute to claim for yourself. Yet, as in many of the ways
people and nations grow, the pendulum often swings too far.
Nowadays it’s considered a character flaw if you cannot control
everything. Ever look at a parent and their child in public and
think, “Boy, I sure wish she’d get control of HER child!” How
much control can or should a mother have over a 6 year old

There are many organizations, beliefs and traditions to
draw from when seeking help in this area of your life. A
powerfully wise tradition is the 12 Steps of Alcoholics
Anonymous. To not be an alcoholic makes you fortunate, however, I
hope you’ve been lucky enough to discover the wisdom of the 12
Steps. And for our discussion, the first step in particular.
Let me list it for you here…

We admitted we were powerless over [alcohol] — that our lives
had become unmanageable.

I put the word “alcohol” in brackets because you may place
anything in that bracket you’d like to. In fact, my invitation
is for you to test it out with a few of the more nagging things
in your life — how about depression, anxiety, marital concerns,
parenting issues, clutter, chronic pain…?

Attempting to control a thing in your life that is not yours to
control will effectively make that, and other parts of your
life, unmanageable. If you but ADMIT POWERLESSNESS in a
heartfelt manner, much can be different for you. Here’s the
catch though… If you admit powerlessness you may judge yourself
as a failure or someone else may do it for you. It takes
tremendous courage and humility to admit when something is out
of your control.

Admitting powerlessness in a situation does not remove
responsibility. For instance, the alcoholic who admits
powerlessness over alcohol is still responsible for the effects
of his/her disease on everyone around them, as well as for their
recovery today and in the future. This is covered beautifully
in steps 2-12 of the 12 Steps.

There’s a second catch though… a good one. There’s tremendous
freedom in a genuine admission of powerlessness. It’s as though
the heavy chains you’ve been locked into place with, fall to the
floor. It’s like taking your first big breath of fresh air
after nearly suffocating. The weight of a burden is cast away
and a different approach has its beginning. register business Singapore

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